


Kind Of A Big Deal

by yuuki



Series: the other side of this [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: (but not really), Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Love Confessions, M/M, Moving On, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Pining, Pining Akaashi Keiji, Unrequited Love, brief mention of some sexy times, kuroo is a bit of a slut in this one but i promise it’s for good reason, minor manga spoilers but if you havent read the manga u won’t know what they are
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-08
Updated: 2020-06-08
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:46:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24599989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yuuki/pseuds/yuuki
Summary: Keiji has been madly in love with Bokuto for years and keeps hoping that maybe one day Bokuto will return his feelings.Then Bokuto graduates high school, and Keiji realizes that it’s unfair to Bokuto and himself to keep hoping for a straight man’s love.So Keiji tries his best to move on and stop being in love with his best friend, except he’s really quite bad at it.______this is the bokuaka side to the iwaoi fic i wrote forever ago! you don’t need to have read that fic to enjoy this one :^)
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou
Series: the other side of this [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1778269
Comments: 26
Kudos: 338





	Kind Of A Big Deal

When Bokuto graduates high school, Keiji cries. 

He doesn’t cry because he’s sad. He is sad that he won’t get to see Bokuto at school anymore, and he is sad that he will no longer be able to play volleyball with him. He knows that Bokuto is planning on only attending a year of university before he becomes a pro volleyball player, and Keiji is going to pursue a career in literature. They will never play together again. 

But at least Keiji got to make Bokuto’s last year of high school the most memorable. They won the spring national tournament this year, and that was enough. Seeing the way Bokuto’s smile radiated pure happiness when they finally beat Itachiyama- it was enough. 

So, Keiji doesn’t cry because he’s sad; he cries because he’s overwhelmingly happy, and he feels a bit like a proud parent when Bokuto accepts his diploma and flashes a thumbs up at the crowd, who laugh goodnaturedly. 

Later that night, when the all the sports clubs are throwing a farewell party for the graduated third years, Bokuto comes over to stand next to Keiji. 

“Akaashi,” he says, but he doesn’t pronounce it the correct way. He says it the way he always does, like he’s unaware that the letters K and G make two different sounds. “Why are you still crying?”

“I’m just happy for you,” Keiji says with a sniffle, rubbing the skin at the edge of his eyes raw. “You’ve graduated. You’re leaving.”

“Yeah, and?”

“That’s kind of a big deal, Bokuto-san.” 

Bokuto laughs loudly and bumps his shoulder with Keiji’s. “It’s not the end of the world, Akaashi! We’re still going to see each other!”

“I know,” Keiji says, feeling his insides warm up at the sound of Bokuto’s laugh. “I can’t help but think that maybe you’ll forget about me, though.” 

Bokuto frowns as if he can’t fathom the thought of ever forgetting Akaashi. “That won’t happen!” he assures Keiji. “You’re my best friend! I could never forget you!”

And he says it with the certainty of a thousand gods. 

“What about Kurō-san?” Keiji asks, though he smiles at Bokuto’s declaration. 

“Him, too. Oh, by the way, would you like to come with us for our first volleyball club meeting? I know it’s not for a while yet, but you should come. Y’know, to watch, and for moral support,” Bokuto says with a smile and a nod, as if that will be enough to convince Keiji to go. 

Keiji grins and takes a sip of his water. The graduated third years are tipsy on some fancy sake a basketball club member snuck into the party, but Keiji has never been a fan of alcohol. “Okay,” Keiji agrees. “But only if I’m not busy with practice here.” 

“You won’t be!” Bokuto says, sounding sure of his statement. “You’ll enjoy coming to my practice!”

Keiji hums. “Hmm. Perhaps I’ll meet someone interesting.” 

“Interesting like how?” Bokuto questions, his eyes and nose scrunched up thoughtfully. Keiji wants to lean in and kiss him all over his face and make his confused frown turn into a dazed smile, but he knows he can’t, so he doesn’t. 

“Interesting like another setter I can learn from,” Keiji clarifies. He's always careful to make it clear that he’s not interested in anyone and that he doesn’t want to pursue a relationship with anyone. It’s just in case Bokuto ever decides he wants Keiji, that way he knows Keiji is available. It’s pathetic, he knows, but Keiji can’t make himself feel any other way. 

Bokuto snorts. “You will!” he says. “Now, c’mon. Let’s go have some fun!”

Keiji lets his former captain drag him out onto the makeshift dance floor. He doesn’t dance, but he watches Bokuto and the rest of the third years and he kind of wishes he does. 

——

“What do you think?”

Keiji wrinkles his nose. “It’s…” he starts. He has nothing to finish up with. 

The object in question is Kurō’s and Bokuto’s new apartment. They’re rooming together, which Keiji personally doesn’t think is a good idea. 

The apartment itself isn’t that bad. It’s got two bedrooms, a nice kitchen, and a spacey living room. There’s a large window overlooking the city, and Keiji can see the Tokyo Skytree from here. 

The way it’s decorated, though, is unsavory to say the least. 

It looks exactly like two straight boys decorated it, which is a little weird considering Kurō is not straight. Keiji had assumed that at least Kurō would have a sense of interior decoration, since he had been friends with Kenma for years. 

He was wrong. 

The couch was bright blue, none of the furniture matched, and there were a bunch of those motivational kitten posters tacked onto the walls.

“It’s awful,” Keiji says honestly. 

Kurō and Bokuto both look like Keiji just threw a ball and their heads. 

“You don’t really think that!” says Kurō. He was fresh out of the shower, so his hair fell neatly and evenly around his face instead of being pushed wildly to the side. It made him look softer, and it was one of the few times where Keiji found himself actually  _ attracted  _ to Kurō. 

“I do,” Keiji says. “Being in here makes me feel sick. Where on earth did you get all this furniture, and why couldn’t you get matching sets?” 

“We went to the thrift store!” says Bokuto, oddly proud of the fact. “I think it doesn’t look that bad!” 

“When I move in,” Keiji says, (mostly) joking about moving in, “we’re redecorating.” 

“Good luck finding cheap furniture that suits your expensive tastes, Akaashi!” Kurō says, plopping down on the blue couch. Bokuto joins him, and they both sit with their legs sprawled and tangled. Keiji tentatively sits at the bubblegum pink armchair, crossing one leg over the other and folding his hands together. 

“It won’t be that hard,” he tells Kurō. “I, unlike you, am a smart man. I’ll figure it out.”

Kurō gives a harrumph of indignation. “You remind me so much of Kenma, it’s scary sometimes,” he says. 

Keiji lets out a huff of laughter. The only similarity between him and Kenma were their quiet but blunt personalities; other than that, they were complete opposites. 

“Will you stay here tonight, Akaashi?” Bokuto asks, not looking away from his phone. When Keiji takes longer than two minutes to answer, he finally looks up. 

Keiji’s heart winks at the look Bokuto gives him, and Keiji makes a show of checking his watch. “No,” he says as he stands up, “I have to go to school tomorrow.” 

Bokuto pouts. Keiji wishes he could take a picture of him without it being creepy. “Fine,” says Bokuto. “Don’t forget to stop by the college tomorrow to watch us practice! You might meet someone interesting!” 

Akaashi nods as he puts his jacket on and ties the scarf around his neck. It’s April so he doesn’t need it anymore, but it’s a force of habit at this point. “Of course, Bokuto-san. I wish you luck and a good day tomorrow. Goodnight. Goodbye, Kurō-san.”

“Bye, Akaashi!” Kurō and Bokuto say in unison, and Keiji lets himself out of their atrocious apartment after he gives them a slight bow. 

Keiji stands outside in the corridor, wrapping his coat around him tighter. Their apartment building is one with the open concrete corridors and external staircases, so it does little to protect from the weather once you’re outside the apartment. 

He sighs and sets off towards his home. 

——

Keiji stares up at the sky. It’s a bit grey and gloomy, indicating it’ll be raining later. He stuffs an extra hoodie and an umbrella in his bag just in case. 

His house is quiet and dark in the mornings, always eerily still. There’s no noise other than his cat greeting him or his footsteps on the creaky wooden floorboards. 

Keiji yawns and curls his toes against the cold as he feeds his cat. It’s only him, his mother, and his cat who live here, and his mother works early mornings and late nights at the university. He’s usually alone. That’s why his mom got him the cat; to keep him company when she couldn’t. 

Tsuyu, his cat, purrs and rubs up against his legs. She’s a grey cat with white speckles, and Young Keiji thought it looked like rain. 

He squats down so he can pet her, making his knees pop. He stays like that for ten minutes before he feels awake enough to actually get ready, flicking on lights as he goes. 

He gets dressed for school and makes himself breakfast before he goes and brushes his teeth. Since he turned eighteen in December he got his license, so he’s able to drive to school if he wants. 

Today, though, Keiji grabs his subway pass. He doesn’t drive often, mostly because his mother takes the car and he doesn’t like driving in the city.

He slips on his shoes, throws his long wool coat over his arm, and says goodbye to Tsuyu before he sets off. 

The subway is not nearly as packed as it usually is. It’s still in the early hours of the day before the sun has even made an appearance, so people haven’t even risen to start the day yet. It’s full of sleepy businessmen and women on their way to work, with a few other students. Keiji grabs onto the overhead handle and lets his eyes drift close, finding the sound of people murmuring and the rumbling noise of the subway relaxing. 

Keiji opens his eyes again when the robotic voice calls out his stop, and he gets off before heading towards school. 

The new manager, a second year girl named Ichika, is the only person other than Keiji who is at the gym when he arrives. Most of the volleyball club last year had been third years, and now they were all graduated. Other than Keiji, there were two members left. He only hoped that Fukurodani’s win at nationals last year would bring in new members. 

“Good morning, Ichika-chan,” Keiji greets, tapping the tip of his shoe against the concrete steps as he enters the gym. 

“Good morning, Akaashi-kun,” Ichika says as she sweeps the gym for lack of something better to do. “It feels a bit empty and quiet around here without the third years, doesn't it?” 

Keiji allows himself a small smile. “It does. Seems like there’s no reason for us to be here this early since new members won’t show up until afternoon practice.” 

Ichika sighs dramatically. “I know!” she says. “It would feel even weirder if I didn’t show up, though.” 

Keiji knows what she means. “Have you spoken to Shirofuku-san or Suzumeda-san?” he asks. It’s an easy topic for conversation since Ichika was good friends with the graduated girls, but Keiji can’t deny that he has ulterior motives in asking about Shirofuku. 

He’s curious. He wants to know where she and Bokuto stand, and he can’t ask Bokuto himself if he wants to keep his feelings hidden.

Ichika’s cheeks turn bright red, making her freckles disappear. “I have,” she says, tucking her hair shyly behind her ear. “They’re in Chiba for university. Yukie is studying nutrition and Kaori is trying to become a sports promoter.” 

Keiji hums and fiddles with his fingers as he sets his bag down. “Chiba is not far, is it?” he asks, though he knows the answer already. 

“No, about forty minutes,” says Ichika, who looks off with an absentminded smile on her face. Keiji leaves her be.

Anahori, Onaga, and the coach come in shortly after that, and Keiji begins his official time as captain. 

——

Keiji examines his new first years. They got a good crowd this year, with enough first and second years to make up a team of their own. 

There’s one with hair that reminds Keiji of Nishinoya from Karasuno, and the thought of the rowdy libero makes Keiji shudder. 

“Okay,” he says, standing up. “My name is Akaashi Keiji. I’m your captain.” 

“What happened to Bokuto?” one of the new first years asks. 

Keiji doesn’t let his irritation show on his face. “Bokuto-san was in his third year and graduated. He goes to college now.” 

The first year groans. “Really? But he didn’t act like a third year!” 

Keiji rubs his temples. Next to him, Ichika giggles. “That's enough about Bokuto. You guys will play a four-on-four game so we can see where your skill level is at, understood?”

The first years nod before one of them, the second year who looks like Nishinoya, raises his hand. “Captain?” he starts, “how are we going to play a four-on-four if there’s only seven of us?”

“I will be joining,” Keiji says. “Now, let’s go.” 

The game ends fairly quick, with Keiji’s team winning. They’ve got promising new players, but they need a lot of work before they’re tournament ready. 

Keiji changes in the club room after he showers. He puts on his hoodie and wool coat from earlier, not liking to put his school uniform back on directly after practice. 

He bids goodbye to the rest of the team and leaves.

The university Bokuto and Kurō go to isn’t far from Fukurodani. It’s good for Keiji if he wants to go there directly after school, so he doesn’t have to stay on the train for so long.

Keiji taps the toes of his shoe against the subway floor before he begins his walk to the university. He debates stopping at his favorite cafe before deciding against it, since he won’t have enough time to buy something. 

He walks through the university until he finds the gym where the volleyball tryouts are, letting himself in. Bokuto and Kurō are already here talking to Karasuno’s old setter, Sugawara, who Keiji is surprised to see. 

Keiji goes up to the observation area. Bokuto, Sugawara, and Kurō are guaranteed spots on the team because they went to nationals last year, so they mostly watch the other three college first years. 

The two other guys are ones Keiji doesn’t recognize. One has fluffy black hair that sticks up in spikes, not quite curly but not quite straight either. It was as if he had brutally towel-dried his hair and this was the result. He was handsome, with a strong jawline and pretty eyes. 

The other one was almost his polar opposite. Where the first guy had a perfectly blank face, this guy had endless smiles. His mousy brown hair curled around his ears, and his eyes were the most striking part of him. They were the only part of his face that wasn’t radiating with something overly pleasant. He was cute too, but more beautiful in the way a renaissance sculpture was beautiful. He seemed familiar, but Keiji had a hard time placing his face. 

Keiji watches the new guys play, enthralled by the way Renaissance Sculpture plays. It seemed like he makes his hitters  _ better.  _ Keiji knows that as a setter it’s not an easy thing to do. Maybe he can ask the guy for advice later. 

The other guy is a wing spiker with skill similar to Bokuto, if only a little more cautious. It’s obvious he trusts the setter wholeheartedly, and doesn’t hesitate at all when the setter puts the ball up for him. 

From a technical standpoint, they’re both extremely good players. Keiji wonders why they’re wasting their time in university, though. They both have the skill to go pro right now if they wanted to. 

Bokuto is also wasting his time in university, even if it is only a year. 

After the tryouts are over, Keiji meets Bokuto and Kurō on the ground level. Bokuto gives Keiji a large grin, slapping Keiji’s back energetically. It makes Keiji cough.

“Did you see me, Akaashi?” he asks. 

“Yes, Bokuto-san,” Keiji says. “You did very well.” 

Kurō grins at Keiji, and it makes his heart do flips. It’s not Keiji’s fault, really; Kurō is very good looking, and Keiji is very gay. Plus, considering their past, Keiji would have to be superhuman to not be affected by Kurō. 

“What about me, ‘Kaashi?” Kurō asks. 

Keiji makes a show of having to think about it, to which Kurō gives an offended gasp. 

“Psst, hey guys!” Sugawara says, walking up to the three of them. “I think you should probably introduce yourself to the other guys,” he coughs into his hand, looking a bit awkward. “I don’t think they know you yet.”

Keiji raises an eyebrow at Sugawara. “Good evening, Sugawara-san,” he greets when Sugawara smiles at him. “Where are Sawamura-san and Azumane-san?” 

“Hi, Akaashi-kun!” Sugawara says. “Daichi stayed back home to attend the police academy, while Asahi and I are rooming together. He got a job as a fashion designer! Who knew he was so good at drawing clothes!” 

Keiji blinks at the thought of Karasuno’s previous ace being a fashion designer. It seems weird, but strangely, it fits him. 

“And what about you?” Keiji asks. 

Sugawara waves his hand. “I’m studying to be a teacher. I would’ve stayed in Sendai with Daichi, but Asahi is too timid to be alone. I’ll stay up here until Nishinoya can come move in with him.” 

Keiji hums, and that ends their conversation. He follows Kurō and Bokuto, who are introducing themselves to the other guys. 

Bokuto jumps up and grabs Kurō’s shoulders when he introduces himself, doing splits in midair. Keiji winces and gives him a disapproving glare.

“I’m Akaashi,” he says, feeling the expectant and heavy gazes of the people around him. He gives the strangers a small smile to be polite, and the one with the black hair quickly looks away with rosey cheeks. It makes exclamation points pop up in Keiji’s head. “I’m a third year from Fukurodani.”

“I’m Iwaizumi,” says the one with the black hair, sounding a bit nervous. The other one is staring at Keiji coolly, which makes  _ him  _ a bit nervous. “And that’s Oikawa,” here Iwaizumi points at Oikawa, “we’re from Aoba Johsai.” 

Oikawa’s smile returns, making his eyes scrunch up. His long fingers wrap around Iwaizumi’s wrist, forcing Iwaizumi to stop pointing. “I can introduce myself, Iwa-chan,” he says. 

Keiji can't help but stare at him. He recognizes Oikawa now; he was in the monthly volleyball magazine. He was the best setter, or something. On top of that, the rowdier bunch of boys from Karasuno wouldn’t stop going on and on about how they hated Oikawa. 

“Ohoho!” Kurō says as he lets go of Sugawara. Keiji hadn’t even noticed he grabbed Sugawara earlier. Poor Sugawara looks disgruntled, his hair staticky from Kurō’s knuckles rubbing his scalp seconds earlier. “The infamous Oikawa!” 

Sugawara glares at Kurō. 

“Infamous?” Oikawa questions, his smile undeterred despite his eyebrow raising. In annoyance or perhaps something else, Keiji can’t tell. 

Sugawara turns an angry shade of red, his eyes going wide with embarrassment. “That’s enough,” he says with a glare at Kurō, “you don’t have to say anymore-“

Kurō ignores him, making the rest of Sugawara’s words drift off into oblivion. “Their team was always complaining about your team at the training camp!” Kurō says, jabbing his thumb at Sugawara. Bokuto nods sagely. The strangely contemplative look on his face as he agrees with Kurō almost makes Keiji laugh. “Saying how you guys sucked and how Oikawa was insufferable!”

Bokuto gives Iwaizumi and Oikawa a thumbs up and a wide grin, and Keiji has to fight a strong urge to grab his hand and lace their fingers together. “Especially Oikawa! They wouldn’t stop jabbering about how they needed to beat him!”

Bokuto suddenly turns to Keiji, and Keiji knows what it means:  _ did I use the word ‘jabbering’ correctly?  _

Keiji gives him a slight nod. Bokuto smiles in return. 

Iwaizumi laughs at Bokuto’s words, but his laugh turns into a cough when Oikawa glares at him. He drops his smile for a scowl that he seems to be trying too hard to maintain, and it makes Keiji smile. 

“It wasn’t me!” Sugawara protests. Keiji gives him a skeptical look as do the others, and Sugawara fiddles with the hair on the back of his head sheepishly. “Okay, it was a little bit of me. Mostly Kageyama and Hinata, though.”

Iwaizumi glances at Oikawa, who keeps the smile on his face. “My precious underclassman is jealous, that’s all,” Oikawa says with a wink. Keiji knows his type; a pretty boy with a charming personality who gets more girls than he can date. 

Keiji notices the way Iwaizumi stares at Oikawa, and he knows his type too. 

“Ha!” says Kurō as he punches Oikawa’s shoulder. Keiji winces for him. “You’re not as bad as they made you seem!”

“Wait until you get to know him,” Iwaizumi says. 

Oikawa gapes at Iwaizumi. “So mean, Iwa-chan!” he says. Iwaizumi pulls on Oikawa’s hair in retaliation. 

“Anyway,” Kurō says, running a hand through his hair. It does nothing to soothe his bedhead. Keiji has the urge to fix it himself, and his fingers twitch by his side. “What are you guys doing this weekend? I hear there’s going to be a party.”

Keiji groans. 

“I’ve got plans,” says Sugawara as he flashes them a peace sign. Keiji stares at him, wondering if Sugawara would notice if Keiji randomly tagged along. “I’m going back to Sendai for the weekend. I can’t leave my old team behind for long or else they’ll self-destruct.”

Bokuto frowns. “You just got here and you’re already going back to visit?” 

“Some of us have significant others whom we love dearly, Bokuto-san,” Sugawara says, patting Bokuto’s bicep while trying to sound profound. It just seems like it confuses Bokuto. 

“Well, I was just going to study,” murmurs Iwaizumi, who raises a hand to his chin thoughtfully. 

Oikawa doesn’t seem to like the idea of this, because he tugs on Iwaizumi’s sleeve like a child. “No, Iwa-chan!” he says, “you’re always stuck at home! You’re supposed to go out and find yourself a boyfriend, remember!” 

The air surrounding them becomes suffocatingly quiet as Oikawa realizes what he’s just done, and he looks like he wishes the floor would swallow him up. Iwaizumi doesn’t look much better. 

Keiji blinks. He had suspected that Iwaizumi liked guys because of the way he acted with Oikawa, but hearing it be confirmed was something entirely different. He was  _ attractive  _ and he liked  _ guys.  _ That didn’t happen often. 

He wishes he could say something, but even if he’s not secret about his sexuality, he’s not exactly out either. He’s on a precarious balance beam. 

Kurō, bless his soul, is the one to make things okay again. He grabs Iwaizumi’s hand and forces him into a high five, all while grinning. “Hell yeah, dude!” he says. “You’ll get a boyfriend in no time with looks like that!”

Keiji stares at him, wondering why Kurō doesn’t say something about his own bisexuality. It’s not that he has to, of course; it’s just that he wasn’t very quiet about it, and that was what gave Keiji the courage to come out to Kurō in the first place. 

Bokuto nods energetically next to Kurō. It makes Keiji dizzy. “And with me and Kurō as your wingmen, you can't lose!”

Keiji snorts and hides his mouth behind his hand, because of course Bokuto would think of dating as a competition. 

Keiji watches as Sugawara pats Iwaizumi’s shoulder supportively, and then he stares at the ground. He doesn’t know what to say to Iwaizumi that could help him feel better that wouldn’t out himself as well, other than perhaps doing the same thing Sugawara did. On top of that, he’s just going to feel awkward and silly doing anything now that he knows Iwaizumi  _ could  _ be attracted to him. 

Keiji bites his lip before he feels a nudge in his side and he looks up to see Kurō, who is smiling at him softly. It’s rare to see Kurō without his smug smirk, and Keiji barely manages to smile back before he tears his gaze away. 

Everyone disperses after that, with Oikawa and Iwaizumi going their own way. Keiji walks with Kurō and Bokuto, walking in between them. 

It’s a pleasant walk, and Keiji smiles as Bokuto recounts the events of his day. It should be impossible to have this much energy after such a long day, but somehow Bokuto manages it. 

Keiji feels his phone beep from an incoming message, and he frowns and pulls it out. There's only four people he texts regularly, and two of them are standing next to him. 

**_From: Mom_ **

**_6:57 p.m._ **

_ Another late night at the university. Won’t be home for a while. Love you xx  _

Keiji sighs and puts his phone away. 

“Everything okay, Akaashi?” Bokuto asks, and it’s only then that Keiji realized he started lagging a couple steps behind his friends. 

“Yes, Bokuto-san, no need to worry,” Keiji says, picking up the pace. 

“Do you want to spend the night, Akaashi?” Bokuto says after a few minutes of silence. He clears his throat awkwardly, giving Keiji a smile. “Y’know. To help me study.”

Kurō hums in agreement. “Yeah. I’ll pay you with a nice home cooked meal.”

Keiji smiles. He knows exactly what his friends are doing, and he appreciates it. 

“Okay,” he says. “I have to go home to get extra clothes and feed Tsuyu first, though.”

——

Keiji wiggles his toes, making the bones pop. He’s wedged between Bokuto and Kurō on their hideous blue couch, wearing one of Bokuto’s hoodies. Turns out the blue couch is also a hideaway bed like something straight out of an American movie, and both Kurō and Bokuto decided to join Keiji on the couch-bed instead of sleeping in their own bedrooms. Keiji doesn’t mind, really, not when he can use this as an excuse to press up against Bokuto. He can blame it on lack of space and sleepiness making his mind foggy. 

They’re watching Brother Bear. It’s a good movie, one of Keiji’s favorites, and Bokuto is absorbed in it. 

Keiji blows on his hot cocoa before he takes a sip. Kurō had cooked dinner earlier, and now they were all drifting off to sleep. 

In fact, Keiji is pretty sure Kurō is already asleep. 

Keiji turns his head slightly to check on Bokuto, and sure enough, he’s also asleep. Keiji should probably follow their lead and sleep too, considering he has school tomorrow, but his nerves feel like they’re on fire and everything feels warm and content inside him, giving him more energy instead of sapping him of it. 

Keiji smiles at Bokuto before he carefully picks his way out of the pile, grabbing their hot cocoa mugs and washing them off in the sink. The sound of the movie is drowned out by the sound of the rain, and Keiji stands at the kitchen sink and watches rivulets of water roll down the window. 

He checks to make sure Bokuto and Kurō are still asleep, and then he steps out onto the balcony. 

It’s one of the standard balconies that come with this apartment complex, a rectangular slab of concrete that hurts Keiji’s elbows. Bokuto and Kurō haven’t put anything out here except for a single plant, rainwater flooding its pot. 

Keiji closes his eyes and breathes in. 

He doesn’t know how long he stands there before he hears the doors sliding open. He opens his eyes and turns to the door, an apologetic look on his face. 

Bokuto comes out, yawning sleepily. His hair is a mess and his shirt is hanging off one shoulder, and it makes Keiji feel like there are things growing in his stomach, like his inner organs have become a garden. 

“Bokuto-san,” he greets, breaking the silence first. Bokuto comes to stand next to Keiji, scratching at his leg with his foot. “I’m sorry to have woken you.”

Bokuto waves his hand, looking out over the city. It’s pretty, with all the twinkling lights, and the Tokyo Skytree glows beautifully. “You didn’t wake me,” Bokuto says, voice rougher than usual because of sleep. When Bokuto isn’t yelling his voice is a soothing rasp that pulls on one’s ears, and Keiji has always wondered if it became like that because of Bokuto wearing his vocal cords raw. 

“You were sleeping last I checked,” Keiji tells him. 

Bokuto smiles at Keiji. “I know,” he says. “I was just wondering where you went.”

Keiji is glad it’s dark out here, because with the way his whole body heats up he’s sure he’s red as well. 

“Okay,” Keiji says after a couple minutes. He’s always enjoyed the rain, but he doesn’t want to risk making Bokuto or himself grumpy from lack of sleep tomorrow. “Let’s go back to bed.”

Bokuto smiles and grabs Keiji’s hand, leading him back to the pullout bed. Kurō lifts his head from his side and gives Keiji and Bokuto a sleepy grin before his head falls back onto his pillow, and Keiji settles down next to him. Bokuto yanks blankets away from Kurō which makes the other boy whine in his sleep, and Keiji stifles a giggle before he redistributes the blankets evenly. 

He watches the rain as he falls asleep.

——

The next few days are boring for Keiji. 

At school he spends most of his time with Ichika. Both of their closest friends were third years, and now they have no one except each other. Keiji is happy with that situation; Ichika is a kind and soft spoken girl, who is content to sit in the courtyard under the cherry blossoms in silence. He sees the way his peers look at them, and for some reason, it puts Keiji’s heart at ease. 

“Ichika-chan,” he says one day during their lunch. Ichika looks up from her book, one that Keiji recommended. 

“Yes, Akaashi-kun?” she says, tilting her head. Her pinkish-brown hair isn’t in a ponytail yet; she usually only puts it up during practice, so now a few strands drift up with the light breeze. 

Keiji looks around the courtyard. They’re the only people there, which makes his racing heart calm down a little. He takes a deep breath and picks a fallen cherry blossom off the grass. “You know I‘m gay, right?” he says, and it sounds so foreign and strange in the air that it makes Keiji wince. He’s never actually said the word  _ gay  _ out loud before, not even to Kurō, who was officially the first person Keiji came out to. 

“I… had a feeling,” Ichika says before blanching. “Not that I just  _ assumed!  _ I mean- I’m- me too! That’s why! You know, like, telepathy? I just didn’t want to think anything without you saying something first,” she says, and Keiji can almost see her soul leaving her body. 

The way Ichika reacts makes Keiji laugh, but he understands. It was a dangerous thing to assume someone’s sexuality. 

“Why are you telling me now, Akaashi-kun?” Ichika asks. Then her cheeks go red and her eyes go wide, and she lets out a soft squeak. “I mean! Not that I’m not honored that you trust me enough to tell me!”

Keiji chuckles again, which calms Suzumeda down a little. “I just thought I’d tell you because I’ve heard people say they think we’re dating.” 

Ichika wrinkles her nose. “Me, dating you? No offense, Akaashi-kun, but I could never. Not that I don’t like you! I’m just….” 

Keiji waves his hand. “I know,” he says. “I’m just letting you know so you can address the rumors however you’d like.” 

Ichika blushes again. If Keiji wasn’t certain about her sexuality, he might be nervous that she was getting a crush on him. 

He thinks that maybe Ichika feels the same way about him. 

“I won’t deny nor confirm them,” she says. “They're… safe. A cushion to fall back on, you know?”

Keiji knows. That’s why he brought it up in the first place. He hands Ichika the fallen cherry blossom he picked up earlier, and he goes back to reading. 

——

“Come again?” Keiji says, stirring his pot of rice. Tsuyu rubs up against his legs, leaving fur behind on his sweats. 

“I  _ said  _ get ready to go to the party!” Bokuto’s voice comes from the other end of the phone. “Kurō is picking up Iwaizumi and Oikawa to make sure they go, and I’m supposed to make sure you go! You have to get out of the house!”

“I’m still in high school, Bokuto-san,” Keiji points out. “It would be stupid of me to go. I’ve got things to do.” 

“You have nothing to do, Akaashi!” Bokuto whines. “I know you don’t! You’ll just stay at home reading with your cat, all alone!”

Bokuto says this as if it’s the worst possible thing he can imagine, but to Keiji, it sounds amazing. 

“I don’t see the problem with that,” he says honestly. 

Bokuto groans on his end of the line. “Ugh, Akaashi! Quit being so stubborn! I’ll come for you in half an hour!”

“How are you going to pick me up if Kurō-san is taking the car?”

“I’ll walk and then we take the subway,  _ duh.  _ Okay, bye, ‘Kaashi!” Bokuto says, and he hangs up before Keiji can protest. 

Keiji sighs and turns off the stove, grabbing extra clothes so he can shower. 

He showers quickly, because for all the things Bokuto isn’t, he  _ is  _ punctual. Keiji puts on tight jeans, a turtleneck that he tucks in, and a blazer to finish his outfit. He thinks he looks a bit too formal for a college party, but his mother taught him to always be the most impeccably dressed at parties. 

Keiji takes a final moment to look himself over in the mirror, noting the fact that he needs a haircut; his hair is long enough to the point where the curls fall around his head evenly, poking at his eyes and making his ears itchy. 

Bokuto knocks on the door seconds after Keiji steps out of the bathroom. 

“Hello, Bokuto-san,” Keiji greets. 

“Akaashi!” Bokuto says, looking Keiji up and down. “You look very fancy!” 

“Thank you, Bokuto-san,” Keiji says with a smile. “Shall we go?”

“Yes!” Bokuto grins. “Wait, did you feed Tsuyu?”

For some reason, it warms his heart that Bokuto remembered about Keiji’s cat. “I did,” Keiji tells him. “She’ll be fine.” 

“Okay!” Bokuto says, grabbing Keiji’s arm and dragging him out of his house. Keiji lets himself be pulled along, already used to the way Bokuto treats him. 

As they walk to the subway station, Bokuto tells Keiji multiple stories about college and his new volleyball team. There were a few days where Keiji would go to the college campus and watch Bokuto and the others play, but that only happened if his mother worked late and he had nothing better to do. 

“Oikawa-san seems like a good setter,” Keiji contributes to Bokuto’s monologue about the ex-Aoba Johsai players. He pops his knuckles before he reaches for the overheard handle on the subway. 

Bokuto shuffles closer to Keiji when more people enter the subway, so close that Keiji can feel his body heat. 

“He is,” Bokuto says, eyes searching the crowd. Keiji isn’t sure what for. 

“Seems weird that he’s in college. He’d be able to go to pros immediately. Like you.” 

Bokuto wrinkles his nose and chuckles as if he doesn’t quite believe Keiji. “I heard him say something about going to Argentina next year. I guess this is just a filler year for both of us.” 

Keiji hums and sticks his free hand in his pocket. He’s so close to Bokuto because of the crowded train that Bokuto’s chest is brushing Keiji’s arm, and it makes Keiji feel warm and stupid inside. 

“Why did you go to college instead of going straight to the V-League, Bokuto-san?” Keiji asks. This close to Bokuto, Keiji is able to see the freckles that dot his nose and he’s able to count his eyelashes. 

Bokuto meets Keiji’s gaze. It almost feels like they’re going to kiss, and it makes Keiji’s mouth run dry. “Because,” Bokuto says, his breath hot on Keiji’s lips, “if I went pro right away, then I’d leave you sooner.” 

Keiji bites his lips to try and hold back his smile, but he fails. He lets his head drop onto Bokuto’s chest before he picks it back up once he realizes how intimate that is. “Don’t say such embarrassing things, Bokuto-san,” Keiji says. 

Bokuto laughs wholeheartedly, and Keiji can feel the vibrations throughout his body. “Don’t worry, Akaashi!” Bokuto booms. It makes the other passengers on the subway stare at him. “I can only get more embarrassing from here!”

“I fail to see why I shouldn’t worry about that,” Keiji responds. “Now, come on; I believe this is our stop.” 

He and Bokuto fight their way off the subway, and for Keiji it’s not too difficult. All he has to do is grab onto Bokuto’s hoodie sleeve (and  _ not  _ think about how it’s almost like they’re holding hands) and stay behind him. People naturally clear out of the way for Bokuto; no one wants to be trampled by a man who’s over six feet tall and ripped as hell. 

Keiji keeps his hold on Bokuto’s hoodie all the way up until the time they find the party venue. It’s a nice house, one that boasts wealth. Keiji feels bad for the parents of the host. It was obvious that they were the ones who owned the house and this was a “parents out of town” party. 

Keiji spots Kurō’s car as Bokuto leads him up the steps to the house, and he makes a mental note of it for later. He has no doubt that he’ll end up driving. 

“Okay, Akaashi!” Bokuto says, standing on the doorstep. He gives Keiji a wide grin. “Let’s go have some fun!”

——

Keiji never has fun at parties. 

It’s not for lack of trying. He  _ tries  _ to have fun to please Bokuto, but he never manages it. 

He’s currently wedged between a drunk man and a couple on the couch. Bokuto detached himself from Keiji’s side immediately after entering since he spotted Kurō and the others or someone else he knows, leaving Keiji to his own devices. 

Keiji doesn’t blame him. He’s not mad. That’s just how Bokuto is; short attention span and a necessity to do everything. Besides, it wasn’t like Bokuto abandoned him. They never agreed to spend the entire party together. 

Keiji sighs and wishes Kenma were here. He never attends anything like this. In fact, he hardly ever hangs out with anyone other than Kurō or Hinata these days. 

Keiji stands up and decides to go look for Bokuto. There's a good chance he’s drunk and affectionate, and Keiji is a weak man who loves to be the center of his attention. If he’s lucky and gets there before someone else does, maybe he’ll be subject to Bokuto’s clinginess. 

He searches the house for the familiar head of hair, expertly maneuvering around people. Keiji has never been to a party like this one; it seems straight out of a movie, like the host had just finished watching some American film yesterday and wanted to try out the “college party” for themselves. 

Finally Keiji does find a familiar face, though it’s not the one he’s looking for. 

“Oikawa-san,” he calls out. Oikawa is playing beer pong with a girl, and he seems to be weirdly good at it. His eyes are narrowed and his tongue is sticking out. He looks at Keiji when Keiji calls his name, Keiji’s face clearly not registering in his mind for a couple seconds. Keiji waits patiently, and recognition flashes across Oikawa’s face. 

“Ooh, Akkun!” Oikawa croons with a sickeningly sweet voice. Keiji resists the urge to wince at the nickname. It’s something Oikawa does for everyone; Bokkun, Kurō-chan, Suga-chan, Iwa-chan. Even if Oikawa has given him a nickname, Keiji feels like Oikawa doesn’t like him that much. “What’s up?”

“Have you seen Bokuto-san?” Keiji asks. 

Oikawa throws another ball. “Nope!” he says. “Check downstairs!”

Keiji thanks him. He hadn’t even been aware there was a downstairs until Oikawa pointed it out. 

He finds the door to downstairs and tentatively makes his way down, not sure if the host has designated this area off limits. There’s significantly fewer people down here, and the sounds of the party are muffled. 

“Have you seen a man with strange hair?” Keiji asks the nearest stranger, who has got his fingers stuck in a Chinese finger trap. He nods towards the end of the hall, where a lonesome door stands. 

Keiji nods and makes his way down the hall, his palms sweating. He doesn’t feel like whatever is on the other side of the door will be good. 

He swallows and knocks on the door before he pushes it open. “Bokuto-san?” he calls into the dark before he pokes his head in. 

Keiji does find Bokuto, but he finds him with someone else. There’s a girl in the bed with him, and Bokuto is on top of her. She’s heatedly kissing Bokuto’s neck with one hand in his hair. Bokuto’s got his hands in her shirt. 

“Ah-kashi,” Bokuto says when he looks up to see who’s entered the room, but it’s a breathy sigh and it sounds like  _ Ah- _ kashi, like he’s moaning the  _ Ah  _ part. 

And he is, but he’s not moaning Keiji’s name because of Keiji himself. 

Keiji’s heart is pounding so hard it makes his body hurt. “Oh, sorry. Excuse me,” Keiji says, but his voice sounds distant, like someone shoved cotton balls in his ears. He shuts the door and leans his head against the cool wood, taking deep breaths to steady himself. His entire body feels hot with the urge to cry, so Keiji steps away from the door and goes to find a place to cool down. 

The sound of Bokuto sighing his name keeps replaying itself in Keiji’s head. 

Keiji goes outside, the cool air stinging his hot cheeks. There are too many people out here so he goes back inside with the hopes that maybe he can find an empty room. He goes upstairs, narrowly avoiding a collision with couples on the steps. It’s not that Keiji is worried about their safety; he’s got a cup of water in his hand, and so far it’s the only thing keeping him grounded. 

Keiji tries the door to the first room he sees. It’s locked. The second one is locked as well. There’s only one room left, and Keiji hesitantly opens it. The door swings open effortlessly, and Keiji sighs when he steps into the room. It seems like this might be his safe haven. 

There’s a fishtank, a beanbag chair, and a bookcase. Keiji’s heart jumps with the promise of being able to sit in the quiet and read. 

Then Keiji notices the figure sitting on the beanbag chair, and his heart plummets. “Oh, sorry,” he murmurs. The figure tilts their head, and then Keiji recognizes Iwaizumi. 

Well, Iwaizumi wasn’t bad. He’s cute and polite. Maybe he’d let Keiji stay with him. 

“Oh,” Keiji says again, “it’s just you.”

Iwaizumi tilts his head with furrowed eyebrows, seemingly at a loss for words. He seems surprised to see Keiji, though that makes sense. High schoolers don’t typically go to college parties. 

Keiji gives him the biggest smile he can muster, which isn’t much. “Bokuto is….” he drifts off, the gravity of the situation finally hitting him. He’s in love with a straight man and he’s acting like he has the right to be hurt. He pinches himself to force himself out of his self pitying mood, and clears his throat. “With someone,” he finishes, “so I’ve been looking for an unoccupied room for a while now,” he explains. Iwaizumi still looks lost, and Keiji chuckles nervously. “Though, I guess this one isn’t unoccupied, but it’s a lot better than the rooms filled with couples. Do you mind if I stay?”

Iwaizumi blinks and shakes his head as if he’s just realized that Keiji has been talking. “Yes. Uh. No,” he says, and the way he trips over his words makes Keiji feel a little better. 

Keiji runs a hand through his hair as he examines Iwaizumi. He’s wearing ripped jeans with a hoodie and a denim jacket over it, and Keiji is a little jealous that he can wear something so casual and still look good. When he was younger, his mother hammered the idea of always looking his best no matter what into his head. 

“Which is it?” Keiji asks, aiming to be teasing. He’s not sure if it works; his deadpan expression and monotone voice make it hard for people to tell when he’s joking, but there’s nothing he can do about it now. 

“Yeah, you can stay,” Iwaizumi says as he crosses his arms. “Sorry, I’m….”

He doesn’t finish his sentence, and Keiji doesn’t push him. 

He nods at Iwaizumi and gives him his space as he goes to look out the window, letting out a shaky breath. The urge to cry doesn’t seem so strong anymore, though there is an incessant prickling feeling in his throat. 

At least watching all the partygoers proves amusing. Keiji watches as a drunk man falls into the swimming pool, and he chuckles when another falls in while attempting to help the first one out. 

Then Keiji spots a familiar mop of brown hair with a girl in his lap, and his eyes widen. “Oh,” he says as he side eyes Iwaizumi. Keiji shoves the hand that isn’t holding his water in his pocket to stop himself from fiddling with his fingers. “Um. Me too.” 

Inwardly, Keiji screams because of how awkward he sounds. 

Iwaizumi frowns. “Huh?” he says. 

At least Iwaizumi isn’t doing too much better than him. 

Keiji looks at the fishtank. “I…” he says, not sure what exactly to say. In his pocket, his fingers twist and untwist. “Bokuto is with a girl.”

It’s quiet for a couple minutes before Keiji hears a rustling noise. He looks up to see Iwaizumi shuffling over on the beanbag, patting it to invite Keiji to sit down. There’s definitely not enough room for the both of them, but Keiji smiles at the ridiculousness of it and sits anyway. He places his water between his thighs to hold it.

He and Iwaizumi are pressed together from shoulder to knee like this, and it makes Keiji’s skin itch. He’s not used to touching strangers. 

Based on the uncomfortable furrow in Iwaizumi’s eyebrows, he probably feels the same. 

“What are you doing here?” Iwaizumi asks. 

Keiji fiddles with his fingers, making them pop. “Bokuto always drags me to parties like this. He says I have to get out more and that he doesn’t like going by himself, but then he gets distracted with his other friends and leaves me alone as soon as we arrive,” Keiji tells him. Bokuto has been doing this for as long as Keiji has known him. Even when Keiji was a fifteen-year-old first year, Bokuto was dragging him out of his house. 

It was kind of endearing then, but now Keiji wishes that Bokuto would let him be alone so Keiji could actually work on moving on. 

He and Iwaizumi sit in silence, each consumed by their own thoughts. Eventually Iwaizumi clears his throat, playing with the torn threads at his knee. “So,” he says, “volleyball?”

Keiji wants to laugh. He doesn’t. “What about it?”

“Do you like it?”

Keiji thinks about what Iwaizumi knows of him and how much he’s willing to share. “Yes,” he says. “Though, it was better when Bokuto was still on the team. He’s the whole reason I went to Fukurodani.” 

Iwaizumi smiles, and he seems surprised that Keiji actually spoke. “Really?” he asks. “You chose to go there for him? Did you even know him before?”

Keiji shakes his head. “No, I didn’t. I just like the way he played. It was….” 

Mesmerizing. That was the only way to describe it. The way Bokuto jumped for a spike, the way his form looked, the way the ball would slam on the other side of the court. It was captivating. When Keiji had seen Bokuto play for the first time in middle school and had seen Bokuto’s smile after he scored a point off a spike, he knew he was irreversibly in love with him. 

“I get it,” Iwaizumi says. Keiji figures that he’s probably thinking of Oikawa. “Sometimes, the whole attitude of a team depends on one person.”

Keiji nods, pleased that Iwaizumi understands. “Yeah. And, to put it simply, my team is lacking in spirit now that Bokuto is gone. I plan on changing that.”

“That’s essentially what Oikawa did when he became captain. He’s always been so driven, and so stubborn. I wouldn’t be surprised if he died with a volleyball in his hands,” Iwaizumi says with a fond smile. 

Keiji tilts his head so he can look at Iwaizumi better. “You seem to like him a lot.” 

Iwaizumi develops a deep blush on his face, but he doesn’t deny his feelings. “I do. I’m in love with that idiot.” 

Oh, how Keiji can relate. He lifts up his cup of water and gives Iwaizumi a small smile. “To loving idiots,” he says. 

Iwaizumi gives a soft laugh. “I never took you for the drinking type.”

“It’s water,” says Keiji. “I don’t drink. I have to be in top shape for volleyball.”

Iwaizumi gives him a full-on grin and clicks his cup against Keiji’s. “To loving idiots.” 

——

Keiji is exhausted. 

After spending quite a bit of time with Iwaizumi in that room last night, he took a drunk Oikawa, Kurō, and Bokuto home. Oikawa had Iwaizumi to look after him so Keiji wasn’t worried about him, but Kurō and Bokuto were a handful. 

The only thing that made the situation better was that Keiji had dealt with drunk Kurō and Bokuto before, so he knew what to expect. 

At least Keiji wasn’t hungover. 

“Good morning, Akaashi,” Kurō yawns as he shuffles into the kitchen to make tea. Keiji grunts in response. Kurō comes into the living room soon after, two cups of tea in his hand. He sets one down in front of Keiji before he settles onto the pink armchair. “Thank you for last night.”

Keiji rolls over so his back is to Kurō. He knows he’s being petty, especially when Kurō is being nice and trying to take care of him right now. 

“Aw, c’mon! It wasn’t that bad, was it?” Kurō asks. 

“I walked in on Bokuto-san last night,” Keiji mumbles. 

“Oh,” Kurō says. Keiji hates the way his voice sounds. “I’m sorry.” 

He grunts and pulls the throw blanket over his head. 

Last night, after dropping Oikawa and Iwaizumi off, Keiji had to take care of Bokuto and Kurō like they were toddlers. Kurō wasn’t that bad which was surprising, but Bokuto was a menace. 

“I don’t think he’ll remember,” Keiji says. It sounds muffled because of the blanket. 

“Who won’t remember?”

Keiji freezes before he pulls the blanket down. Bokuto is standing in the hallway in nothing but his boxers, which left little to the imagination. Keiji swallows audibly and looks away, flashes of the girl and Bokuto popping up in his head unwarranted. 

For the first time in his entire life, Keiji wishes he was a girl. 

No, scratch that. He just wishes that he could be someone Bokuto could love. 

“Oh, just this first year I’m tutoring,” Keiji lies easily. Bokuto seems pleased enough with the answer, not pushing further. Keiji hastily throws the blanket off of him and gets dressed. He had taken off everything but his boxers last night to sleep, mostly because his clothes were too stiff and hot to sleep in. 

Kurō politely looks away as Keiji gets dressed and Bokuto doesn’t even notice from his spot in the kitchen. It sort of feels like Keiji is doing the walk of shame, if the walk of shame was being sad and gay. 

“Thank you for allowing me to stay here,” Keiji says. Bokuto looks over, his eyebrow raising. 

“You’re leaving already?” he asks. 

“Yes, I have plans to meet with someone,” Keiji lies. It seems he’s doing that a lot lately. He bows to Kurō. “Thank you for the tea, Kurō-san.”

Kurō eyes the untouched tea. “Hey, no problem,” he says. “It’s payment for taking care of us last night.” 

Keiji gives him a smile before he nods to Bokuto and leaves. He feels disgusting because he woke up and put his clothes back on and left without washing up a little first, but he feels desperate to get away from Bokuto. 

On his way home, Keiji pulls out his phone. He doesn’t have many friends who he can call last minute, and even less who would understand what he’s feeling. Kenma would just give him some bland answer, Kurō was off limits, he had just become friends with Iwaizumi yesterday, and even if Bokuto wouldn’t understand that Keiji was talking about him, Keiji didn’t want to see him. 

He could call his mom, but he didn’t want to disturb her. Besides, he wasn’t exactly out to her, though Keiji suspected she knew. 

Keiji sighs and puts his phone away again. When he gets home he takes a shower, changes into comfier clothes, and settles down on the couch with Tsuyu to cry and watch Ghibli movies. 

——

Months pass by. 

Keiji does a good job of moving on from the incident at the party in April. He puts a clamp on his feelings for Bokuto and it seems to be working, until he does something stupid or gives Keiji a smile. 

At least he has Iwaizumi to talk to. After Kurō and Bokuto drag him out to hangout with the players from Miyagi they become friends, and Keiji even brings Iwaizumi to his favorite cafe a few times. 

They mostly vent about their respective idiots. It works for Keiji. 

When he’s not with Iwaizumi he’s with Ichika, but she doesn’t relate to his struggles anymore since she got a girlfriend. It’s not Shirofuku, who Ichika has been hopelessly pining for since last year. That surprised Keiji, but he’s happy for Ichika nonetheless. 

“What’s her name?” Keiji pesters Ichika. Ichika has been dating her girlfriend for a month, but she hasn’t told Keiji anything. He’s not usually one to press the subject, but he’s genuinely curious and the way Ichika blushes every time he asks about her girlfriend makes him think she doesn’t mind all that much. 

“Who knew you were so nosy, Akaashi-kun,” Ichika giggles. They’re in the courtyard again, with Japanese irises decorating the area instead of the cherry blossoms. 

“I just can’t believe you’d hide the person you’re dating from a friend,” Keiji says. He takes his blazer off and folds it before he puts it under his head, rolling up his sleeves. Ichika helps him roll them up past his elbow when he struggles. 

“Okay,” she says, her cheeks going redder than a rose. “But you can't tell anyone, okay?”

Keiji narrows his eyes at her. “You think I would?”

“No. I just thought it would up the suspense if I said that.”

Keiji hums. “Fine. I won’t tell. Who is it?” 

“Do you remember Mako-chan? The manager at Shinzen?” 

Keiji closes his eyes as he tries to remember. Truth be told he doesn’t really remember anyone other than Karasuno’s team, his own, or Nekoma’s. Vaguely, though, he remembers a girl with brown hair and eyes to match with a pretty smile. 

“Ōtaki-chan?” he asks, and Ichika smiles. 

“Yeah,” Ichika says as she follows Keiji’s lead and lays down next to him. “I couldn’t wait for Kaori-chan forever.” 

Keiji’s heart catches in his throat. “I know,” he says. “It’s hard though, isn’t it?” 

Ichika turns her head so she can look at Keiji. “It is,” she says slowly, carefully. “But it feels better, in the end. To love someone you know loves you back.” 

Keiji contemplates her words, turning them over in his head unless he wears them raw and they lose their meaning. To love someone who he knows loves him back. 

He wishes he could. 

——

Keiji carefully picks the stickers off the fruit and puts it on Bokuto. He doesn’t notice. 

They’re grocery shopping. It's stupidly domestic, and Keiji wishes he wasn’t here. He only is because Kurō is with Kenma, and neither Kurō nor Keiji trust Bokuto enough to let him go grocery shopping by himself. 

“Hey, Akaashi,” Bokuto says. He finally notices the stickers on him, and he smiles and peels them off to put on Keiji. “There’s a party this weekend. You know, to celebrate the end of the first semester.”

“No,” Keiji says, already knowing what Bokuto is trying to ask him. 

“Aw, c’mon!” Bokuto whines. He throws a pack of Hello Panda into the basket. Keiji puts it back. “You’re always at home!”

“Believe it or not, Bokuto-san, but I like staying at home. I  _ don’t  _ like going to parties.”

Bokuto pouts. “It’s more fun when you’re there,” he mumbles, throwing Pocky into the basket. Keiji puts it back. 

Keiji wants to ask him how that can be when Bokuto leaves him as soon as they enter. He doesn’t. 

“You know,” Keiji says, his heart beating too hard in his chest. “You could just stay with me.”

Bokuto tilts his head at Keiji. “What do you mean?”

Keiji is aware of how stupid and desperate he sounds, but he can’t back out now. “Instead of going to the party,” he clarifies. “You could stay with me.”

Bokuto blinks and puts a pack of mochi in the basket. Keiji resists the urge to glare at Bokuto as he puts it back. “And do what?”

Keiji feels his cheeks heat up, and he thinks of what Ichika told him the other day, about moving on. He wonders if she’d be disappointed in him. “I don’t know,” Keiji says. He sounds ridiculous. He should have never said anything. “Watch a movie, or something.”

Bokuto hums, his eyes narrowing. 

Keiji grabs a bag of rice and puts it into the basket. “Forget I said anything,” he mumbles. “I hope you have fun at the party.” 

“I want to watch Spirited Away,” Bokuto says as he throws a pack of popcorn into the basket. Keiji knows that the only reason why Bokuto suggested it is because its Keiji’s favorite movie.

Keiji smiles, and he doesn’t put it back. 

——

“You look like that one,” Keiji says when Yubaba comes on screen.

Bokuto gasps loudly in offense and hits Keiji with his pillow, making Keiji’s hair staticky. Keiji smiles at him and rolls away. “I do not!” he says. “You look like her!”

“But you said I look like one of the soot sprites earlier,” Keiji points out, rubbing Tsuyu behind her ears. 

Bokuto nods. “You do. You guys have the same hair!”

Keiji bites his lip to hold back his laugh, but it still bubbles over. Bokuto smiles at him, and Keiji turns to hide his face in Tsuyu’s fur. 

“I’m glad you stayed,” Keiji tells Bokuto when the movie is over. Bokuto is huddled by the DVD player, inserting Kiki’s Delivery Service. Keiji usually isn’t one to be sentimental or affectionate, but he feels content hanging out with his friend. 

And the knowledge that friends is all they’ll ever be doesn’t twist a screw in Keiji’s heart the way it used to before. 

Bokuto pushes the disc in and smiles at Keiji. “Me, too,” he says before clearing his throat. He looks at Keiji with a little furrow between his eyes. “Say, Akaashi, are you dating anyone?” 

Keiji gives Bokuto a wide-eyed stare, surprise pouring over his body. “Why do you ask?” 

“You’ve just been spending a lot of time with Ichika lately. You guys are cute together!” he says.

Bokuto’s words process in Keiji’s head and he lets out a laugh. “You think I’m dating Ichika?” 

“Well, are you? It seems like you are!”

Keiji lifts his hand to his mouth to hide his smile. “That’s ridiculous, Bokuto-san. Of course I’m not dating her.” 

“Why not?” Bokuto asks as he comes back to the couch and sits next to Keiji. “She’s cute. You’d make a good couple!” he says. 

Keiji shakes his head and runs a hand through his hair. “I don’t think so. She’s not my type.” 

Bokuto tilts his head, but he seems satisfied enough with that answer. 

“Why do you ask, Bokuto-san?” Keiji presses. 

“I was just curious,” Bokuto says as he plays the movie. 

Keiji frowns, not satisfied with his answer. 

——

The seasons bleed into one another, and Keiji does a good job of moving on like Ichika suggested. 

He feels kind of bad for being in love with Bokuto, even though he knows it’s not his fault. It’s just for the past three years, Keiji has had some hope in his heart that Bokuto would realize he returned Keiji’s feelings despite the fact that he’s straight. 

He knows that that line of thinking isn’t fair to him or Bokuto, so he gives up on it. 

“Good afternoon, Akaashi-kun,” Ichika says. It’s a Saturday and practice was cancelled for gym maintenance, but Keiji had nothing better to do so he decided to stop by anyway. 

“Hello, Ichika-chan,” Keiji responds. There are red spider lilies decorating the school grounds, indicating how late in the year it is. He thinks they’re pretty, despite their ominous connotations. 

To Keiji, it seemed like summer was nonexistent, like spring immediately turned to fall. His summer vacation was boring and he spent it locked up in his house, only going out to see Kenma, Kurō, Bokuto, or Ichika. The only times he saw people other than them were during the volleyball training camps. 

“What are you doing here?” Ichika asks. 

Keiji shrugs and pushes his hands deeper in his pocket. “I have nothing better to do. Bokuto-san and Kurō-san do have practice today, so I couldn’t call them.”

Ichika hums. “Mako, too,” she says. She gives Keiji a sly smile. “Do you want to go do something?”

Keiji narrows his eyes at her. “Something like what?” he asks suspiciously. Ichika used to be quiet and polite, Keiji recalls, until Shirofuku and Bokuto got a hold of her. 

“Aw, c’mon, Keiji!” she says, voice not quite a whine. Keiji feels the hair on the back of his neck stand up; no one has ever called him by his first name before. Not even his own mother, who has been calling him Matcha since he was a baby because of his eyes. 

Immediately he wonders what his name would sound like in Bokuto’s voice, whether he’d yell it like he always does or if he’d say it more carefully. 

Then Keiji remembers he’s not supposed to be thinking like that, and he angrily rubs at his nose. “What do you have in mind, then?”

“Mako’s birthday is coming up, and I want to get her something.” 

Keiji blinks before he slaps his hands on either side of his head. “Bokuto-san’s birthday is tomorrow!” he says. How could he have forgotten? Usually Bokuto goes around reminding everyone of his birthday, but he hasn’t mentioned it to Keiji once. Keiji doesn’t even know what to get him. 

He can’t believe he  _ forgot  _ it. He’s never forgotten someone’s birthday before. 

Ichika giggles behind her hand. “Do you want to go with me now?”

“Yes,” Keiji says, still wondering what on earth he’s going to get Bokuto for his birthday. He offers his arm to Ichika, who latches onto him happily. 

They take the subway towards the mall, which forces Keiji to stand closer to Ichika than he likes. With Bokuto it wasn’t so bad for obvious reasons, but in the cramped subway car he can feel the softness and fragileness of Ichika’s body pressed up against him and he can’t say he’s a fan of it. 

Keiji blinks, and it only occurs to him then that Ichika probably feels the same way. “Sorry,” he whispers in her ear. To an outsider, they probably look like a couple. 

Ichika laughs under her breath, though it sounds a bit strained. “Don’t worry,” she says, “we’ll be out soon.” 

At least she’s right about that. They get off the subway and Keiji lets Ichika drag him throughout the mall, offering his opinion whenever Ichika holds up something and asks what he thinks of it. Eventually she settles on buying her girlfriend a cute plush bear with roses, and Keiji begins his panic about Bokuto’s birthday present. 

“Well, what did you get him last year?” Ichika asks. Keiji doesn’t like to think about Bokuto’s birthday last year; he had still been dating Shirofuku at the time, so he had spent his birthday with her. 

Keiji side eyes Ichika. “I got him a volleyball lamp. You know, one of those portable ones that you can grab and walk around with.” 

Ichika hums. “Because he‘s always running into corners at the training camps?” 

Keiji laughs as he remembers Bokuto loudly running into walls at their old training camps. “Yes, exactly.”

Ichika tucks some of her hair behind her ear. “What else does he like?”

Keiji doesn’t know. It’s not that Bokuto doesn’t have any interests, it’s that he never expresses them. Keiji knows he likes Studio Ghibli movies, but that’s entirely because Keiji makes him watch them. “He likes owls,” Keiji says, because that’s the only thing coming to mind. 

“Okay,” says Ichika. She grabs Keiji's arm again. “Let’s see if we can find him something cool.”

Keiji lets Ichika guide him around the mall as she talks about her girlfriend. He thinks about last year when his feelings for Bokuto had peaked, and he wonders if Ichika felt the same way about Shirofuku. He wonders that if he and Ichika had been closer back then then maybe he would’ve been able to find some comfort in her. 

All he knows is that the highlight of everyone’s year last year was winning nationals- even for Bokuto, whose highlight should’ve been getting a girlfriend. 

“Ichika-chan,” says Keiji, “excuse me for asking, but do you know why Bokuto and Shirofuku broke up?”

Ichika blinks at Keiji. He knows that Bokuto and Shirofuku dating was a topic neither one of them liked to discuss, but he never talked about Shirofuku with Bokuto after they broke up and he was never told the reason. At this point, Keiji was too afraid to ask. He didn’t want to upset Bokuto. 

“No,” Ichika says, biting her lip in thought. “Yukie never told me when I asked. I assumed it was because of the distance, but still, Chiba isn’t far.”

Keiji hums. It especially wasn’t far for Bokuto, who got bored and went on a road trip with Kurō and Sugawara to visit Daichi over the summer. “They’re still friends, aren’t they?”

Ichika shrugs. “They certainly don’t hate each other. She asks about him sometimes.” 

“Does she know about Ōtaki-chan?” 

Ichika blushes. “She… does.”

“Your hesitation leads me to believe you’re lying.” 

“Gah! Why do you have to speak in such a floral way?” Ichika groans, grabbing fistfuls of her hair. Keiji blinks, not quite sure what she means by ‘floral.’ Ichika sighs and drops her hands, the bag containing her girlfriend’s gift rustling at her side. “She knows I’m dating someone. She doesn’t know who, and I don’t… know if she knows it’s a girl.”

Keiji nods his understanding. “I see,” he says. “You’re not out to her?”

“I always thought that if I came out to her it would make my crush on her obvious, and I didn’t want to make her uncomfortable. Besides, it doesn’t matter to me anymore. I date girls and I don’t think that should matter enough to need an announcement.” 

Keiji wishes he shared Ichika’s confidence about that. It’s not that he’s afraid of coming out, but he had a similar line of thinking. He didn’t think his sexuality mattered to anyone other than the people directly involved with it. 

Though he supposes Bokuto is directly involved with his sexuality, considering Bokuto  _ is  _ his sexuality. He’s never been attracted to anyone else or had a crush on anyone else other than Bokuto, except for Kurō. Keiji doesn’t really think Kurō counts, though. 

“Look,” says Ichika, tapping Keiji’s arm. Keiji frowns and follows her finger to see what she’s pointing. “For Bokuto.”

Keiji feels a smile tug at the corner of his lips. “Oh. That’ll do.”

——

“Happy birthday,” Keiji says, voice as dead as always. 

Bokuto grins widely as he accepts the gift. “Akaashi!” he says, “you didn’t have to get me anything!”

Keiji smiles in return, because he can tell that Bokuto is pleased. “I know,” he says. He fiddles with his fingers, making his joints pop. His mouth feels like chalk and he suddenly feels very sweaty, but he can’t back out now. He takes a deep breath to try and recenter his brain. “When you’re done opening it, I need to tell you something.”

Bokuto raises an eyebrow. “O-kay,” he says, splitting the word in half. He carefully takes the wrapping paper off the gift; whether to give Keiji more time to calm down or what, he doesn’t know. Bokuto usually rips the paper off the gift as soon as it’s given to him, unable to contain his excitement. 

“Are you okay?” Keiji asks. 

Bokuto looks up from the gift with a quizzical smile. “Yes, I just really like this wrapping paper. I want to save it for later!”

Keiji laughs. It’s a bunch of owls wearing Christmas hats; it was the only wrapping paper he had at home, left over from last year. “Okay,” Keiji says, “just open the gift.”

Bokuto does. He pulls it out and immediately develops a huge smile, one that makes Keiji’s cheeks hurt. It’s nothing special, really. It’s just a plush owl holding a sign that says  _ You’re A Hoot,  _ probably left over from Valentine’s day. 

Keiji doesn’t have time to react to Bokuto’s reaction before Bokuto is pulling him into a rib-crushing hug. “Thank you,” Bokuto says. His breath hits Keiji’s neck and spreads out over his skin, making him feel warm. It makes the hair on his arms and neck stand up. 

“Glad you like it,” Keiji says, awkwardly pulling himself out of the hug. He feels like if he doesn’t, then he’d sit there hanging on to Bokuto forever. 

He’s doing a good job of moving on. He is. 

Bokuto hugs the owl to his chest. “Now, what was it you wanted to tell me?”

Keiji feels his mouth go dry once more. He feels sick from nerves, almost as bad as the time they were playing against Itachiyama in the final tournament at nationals. 

Scratch that. This was worse. 

“I-“ he starts, only to pause so he can swallow his anxiety. “I’m- I’m gay.” 

Bokuto blinks slowly at him. Keiji feels like he’s going to throw up. 

“I’m sorry,” Keiji mumbles. “I shouldn’t have told you on your birthday, I should’ve waited until next week. I just wanted to get it out of the way. I felt like I was deceiving you if I didn’t tell you. I’m sorry. I hope this doesn’t make things awkward.”

Bokuto still doesn’t say anything, and Keiji feels hot and embarrassed. Then Bokuto is pulling Keiji into another hug.

The steady beating of his heart against Keiji’s ear and the feeling of the soft cotton of his shirt against Keiji’s cheek and the way Bokuto smells, like something fresh and earthy, is enough to calm him down. 

“Akaashi, for such a smart guy, you can be an idiot sometimes,” Bokuto says. 

“Huh?” Keiji squirms, trying to get out of Bokuto’s embrace. Bokuto doesn’t let him go.

“Of course it wouldn’t change anything between us. You’re my best friend.” 

Keiji sobs into Bokuto’s shirt. He’s embarrassed, but the relief flooding every crevice in his body outweighs any shame he feels. 

“Oh,” Bokuto says, and Keiji stiffens. “So  _ that’s  _ what you meant when you said Ichika wasn’t your type.” 

Keiji freezes for a second before relaxing, giggling wetly into Bokuto’s clothes. For probably the first time since he met him, Keiji allows himself to sink into Bokuto’s hug and relish it. 

——

Cosmos litter the garden. The pink of their petals is a beautiful sight, and Keiji inhales the crisp autumn air. If he could, he’d dye his hair the color of cosmos. He doesn’t think he’ll ever have the confidence for that. 

“Pretty, isn’t it?” Ichika sighs beside him. 

Keiji nods in response. It’s been a few days over a month since Keiji came out to Bokuto, and nothing has changed. For that, he is grateful, but the selfish and hopeful part of him resents it. Somewhere in the back of his head, he had hoped that him coming out would make Bokuto realize he had feelings for Keiji. 

Keiji hates himself for thinking that. 

“Yukie and I used to come here,” Shirofuku murmurs. It sounds like a confession. “We stopped when she started dating Bokuto-san.”

He and Ichika are two sides of the same coin. It’s… strange how similar their lovesick stories are. 

“A lot of things changed when they started dating,” Keiji contributes to their mostly one sided conversation. 

Ichika chuckles, but it sounds devoid of any happiness. She wipes tears away from her eye with her sleeve, and Keiji glances at her.

The whole reason why they’re here instead of at school is because Ōtaki broke up with her. Said that she felt like Ichika’s feelings weren’t fully dedicated to her. 

Keiji hates skipping school. It makes his skin feel itchy and his inside squirm, and he keeps looking over his shoulder every second like he’s afraid of getting caught. 

For Ichika, though, he doesn’t mind. 

“I think it’s a gay right of passage to fall in love with your straight best friend,” she says. 

This time when Keiji and Ichika laugh, it’s full of mirth and they’re unable to control the giggles that wrack their bodies. 

——

“My friend told me that it’s a gay right of passage to fall in love with your straight best friend,” Keiji says. 

Iwaizumi blinks before his shoulders start shaking with his laughter. 

“Did they?” Iwaizumi says. “I think they’re on to something.”

Keiji smiles down at his cup of coffee. He and Iwaizumi have been talking ever since that party back in April, and they’ve been going out to this cafe when they both had time. Keiji enjoys spending time with Iwaizumi, and he thinks that he might’ve had a crush on him if Iwaizumi wasn’t so devoted to Oikawa and himself to Bokuto. 

Keiji grimaces. He’s not doing a good job of moving on. 

Iwaizumi notices this, his eyebrow raising as he blows on his tea. “Everything good?”

Keiji fiddles with his fingers and looks out the window. “Yes. I’m just thinking.”

“About what?” Iwaizumi asks. He takes a sip of his tea, wincing when it burns his tongue. It makes Keiji huff out a laugh. 

“About Bokuto-san. I feel a bit…  _ guilty  _ for continuing to crush on him even though he clearly doesn’t feel the same way.” 

Iwaizumi hums. “You can’t help the way you feel. It’s not your fault.”

“I know. Doesn’t make the guilt go away, though.” 

Iwaizumi makes a noise of agreement as he joins Keiji in looking out the window. 

Keiji taps his fingers on the table. “Any luck with Oikawa-san?”

Iwaizumi’s lips twitch. “No. He’s an idiot like always,” suddenly his brows furrow and he turns to meet Keiji’s gaze. “You know, every time I go out with you, he goes out with someone too.”

“That’s… interesting,” Keiji says. “Do you think there’s any correlation?”

Iwaizumi snorts. “Yeah. The correlation is that he can’t stand not being my only friend.”

Keiji snickers into his hand. Oikawa does seem like the dramatic type to be upset that his friend has other friends. 

“Anyway,” Iwaizumi says, standing up. He slaps a couple of yen down on the table. “I should probably go. I need to make sure the cat is fed.”

Keiji nods and thinks about his cat. She’s probably waiting for him, too. “Of course. I’ll see you next week?” 

Iwaizumi smiles. “Yeah. See you.”

——

“Here!” Bokuto says, thrusting a bouquet of flowers into Keiji’s hands. “For your mom!”

“Chrysanthemums?” Keiji asks as he tentatively takes the bouquet, because it’s not typically the flower you’d gift someone. At least, Keiji has never seen them in a bouquet before. 

“Yeah,” says Bokuto, scratching at his eyebrow. “They're in season, so they’re cheaper.”

Keiji nods and lets Bokuto in. It’s mid November now, so chrysanthemums  _ are  _ in season. Keiji just doesn’t know why Bokuto decided to bring his mother some. 

“Why’d you bring flowers, Bokuto-san?” Keiji asks, arranging them in a vase after he puts water to boil in the kettle. 

Bokuto pulls a stool at the island out so he can sit. “I dunno,” he says, “I just saw them and they reminded me of you- your mother, I mean!”

Keiji laughs, his cheeks heating up. “Thank you, Bokuto-san.”

Bokuto smiles and taps his hands on the table like a little kid. He looks pleased. “You like them?” he asks. 

Keiji wouldn’t have been able to hold back his smile even if he wanted to. “That doesn’t matter, does it? Since they’re for my mother,” he points out. 

Bokuto’s brows furrow. “Gah!” he says, hiding his face in his hands. “Fine! They’re for you!”

Keiji picks up one of the chrysanthemums out of the vase. It’s a pink one, one of Keiji’s favorites. He’s always liked pink flowers. “I do,” Keiji says. “Like them. They’re pretty.”

Bokuto sighs. “Good!” he says. “I chose the pink ones because those are the ones you always get!”

“I’m surprised you noticed such a thing,” Keiji says, sitting across from Bokuto. 

Bokuto shrugs. “I’d be stupid not to notice that, Akaashi!” 

Keiji bites his lip. Bokuto was… cute. He was cute. It was something Keiji had not allowed himself to think since he started Moving On, but friends were allowed to think friends were cute. 

Weren’t they? 

“Very well, then,” Keiji says. He tilts his head, studying Bokuto. His hair has gotten long enough that Keiji would be able to pull it into two tiny pigtails now, and when Bokuto spikes his hair up, there’s a few pieces that fall around his eyes. The tea kettle behind Keiji starts whistling, and Keiji gets up to pour them tea. 

Bokuto picks up his tea cup and immediately sips it, and Keiji winces for him when he burns his tongue. 

“Why didn’t you tell me it was hot?” Bokuto whines. 

“I would’ve assumed you’d be able to figure it out yourself, considering it just came off the stove,” Keiji says. 

Bokuto pouts at the counter. Keiji blows on his tea. 

“Have you spoken to Shirofuku since you graduated?” Keiji asks. He knows he shouldn’t; he’s just going to hurt his own feelings. Not only that, but it was possible that asking Bokuto about his ex would just upset him as well. 

Bokuto stares at Keiji blankly, and it makes Keiji’s skin crawl. “A little,” he says. “Not much. She’s… got a boyfriend now.”

Keiji blinks. “Oh,” he says. He wonders if Ichika knows. “I’m… sorry.”

Bokuto waves his hand. “It doesn’t matter! I broke up with her!”

Keiji didn't know that. “You did?”

“Why do you sound so surprised, Akaashi?”

“I just thought she broke up with you, is all.”

“No. I broke up with her.”

“So you’ve said. Can I ask why?”

Bokuto shrugs and looks at the ceiling. “Don’t know,” he says with a smile. “I didn’t want to be in a relationship with someone when she was moving and we were both going our separate ways. Seems like it made sense to end things there!”

Keiji nods. “Yeah. That makes sense.”

Bokuto grins and rests his head on his hand. It makes his cheek squish up. Keiji smiles then takes a sip of his tea to hide it. “C’mon, Akaashi, let’s go do something.” 

“Like what?” Keiji asks. 

“I don’t know. Something!”

Keiji puts their cups of tea in the sink before he allows Bokuto to drag him out of the house. 

He’s always been powerless against Bokuto, anyway. 

——

“You know,” Kurō says, “you’ve been spending a lot of time with Iwaizumi.” 

He blinks at Kurō and looks up from his book. Keiji’s at their home again, this time because his mom had a board meeting. 

Keiji glances down the hall at the bathroom, where Bokuto is currently loudly singing in the shower. 

“I suppose I am,” he says. “Is that wrong?” 

“Of course not,” Kurō says. He walks over to the couch and sits next to Keiji, lifting Keiji’s legs and putting them over his lap. “Do you like him?”

Keiji thinks about it. Iwaizumi is handsome, and he’s polite. Keiji likes the look he gets on his face when he plays, but he can’t really imagine  _ dating  _ him. 

“No,” Keiji says. “He’s obviously in love with Oikawa, and I think he looks too much like me for us to date.” 

Kurō laughs. “You’re right,” he says before glancing at Keiji. “He does look like you, doesn't he? I thought there was a reason I liked him.”

Keiji pushes his feet into Kurō’s stomach, and Kurō gives a dramatic groan. “He’s a good friend,” Keiji tells Kurō. “He's been helping me move on and find someone else. It’s good talking to him because he relates to the struggles of being in love with your straight best friend who can never return your feelings.” 

Kurō tenses up next to Keiji, but it’s subtle enough that Keiji wouldn’t have been able to tell if he wasn’t currently touching Kurō. “Yeah,” Kurō says with a wistful sigh. Keiji raises an eyebrow at him, wondering if he’s in love with Kenma. It would make sense, since Kenma is aromantic and asexual and incapable of ever returning anyone’s feelings. But Kurō’s also told many people that he could never think of Kenma that way, so Keiji doesn’t think that’s it. 

Keiji takes his feet off Kurō’s lap and changes positions so he can rest his head on Kurō’s shoulder. It’s too intimate for Keiji’s liking, and he feels weird initiating contact first. 

It seems to relax Kurō, though, whose body goes lax against Keiji’s. That alone is enough to show Keiji that he’s doing  _ something  _ right. 

——

November turns to December too fast, and Keiji is left holding on the last day of his eighteenth year. 

It’s not like eighteen was the best year of his life; the only highlight was winning nationals, Bokuto’s graduation, and that was about it. Even then, Bokuto’s graduation wasn’t a highlight. It was something that made Keiji go into one of Bokuto’s trademark ‘emo modes’ for a few days. 

He stops and sits on a bench while he waits for the university’s practice to be over. There was no practice for Fukurodani today, and Keiji doesn’t like sitting the entire time at the university's practice because it ends up distracting Bokuto. He supposes he could go visit his mom, but he doesn’t want to disturb her either. 

He sighs and looks at Japanese daffodils. They’re the last flowers of the year, but they’ve always been kind of boring to Keiji. He prefers pink camellias- those are his favorite. 

“Um, Akaashi-san?” comes a timid voice, and Keiji turns around in surprise. It’s that second year who looks like Nishinoya, who Keiji has since found out is named Sato. 

“Sato-kun,” he greets, wondering what’s got Sato so nervous. He’s usually confident and carefree, so this meek demeanor was a major change. “Do you need something?” 

Sato hunches his shoulders and pulls the hood of his thick jacket up to cover his ears. “I’m fine,” he says. “I was just wondering… if, uh, if you’d like to….” he drifts off, his voice a squeak. Keiji blinks at him. 

“Pardon?” Keiji says, rubbing his mittened hands together. It’s cold out here, and Keiji wouldn’t be surprised if it started snowing soon. 

Sato clears his throat. “I was just wondering if… if you’d like to go on a date with me?” he asks, his voice rising in pitch at the end. 

Keiji blinks at him, completely stunned. Of all the things Sato could’ve approached him about, he never thought this would be it. 

“You- what?” Keiji dumbly says, because he’s not sure if this is real or some elaborate prank. 

Sato rubs the back of his head nervously. “You don’t have to, of course,” he says with a dry chuckle. Then his eyes go wide, and he gives Keiji a fearful look. “Ah, sorry, did I make you uncomfortable-“

“It’s not that,” Keiji cuts him off. “You’re being serious?” 

Sato bites his lip and nods. 

Keiji doesn’t know what to say. 

“Do you think you could give me some time to think about it?” Keiji asks. He doesn’t want to give Sato false hope, but he also doesn’t want to flat out tell him no. Sato is cute and has a good personality, and Keiji thinks that he could like him if he got to know him. 

He's just not sure if he wants to try. 

“Of course,” Sato says. “Take as much time as you need.” 

Keiji is infinitely grateful that he's not angry about it. “Thank you,” he says. 

Sato waves his hand. “You don’t have to thank me,” he says. “I’ll… see you tomorrow, then?” 

Keiji nods dumbly and watches as Sato walks away. As soon as he’s out of sight, Keiji pulls out his phone and texts Iwaizumi to ask if he can go to their cafe today. It’s short notice and Keiji feels bad, but Iwaizumi texts a confirmation almost immediately and Keiji forgets it. 

Keiji starts walking over to the university once he’s certain he won’t be walking in in the middle of practice. He blows warm air into his mittens and rubs them up and down his arms. He prefers winter because of the fashion, but he’s not a big fan of how the cold makes his fingers and toes ache. 

He’s unable to stop his heart from fluttering as he thinks over Sato’s confession again. Surprisingly, it’s the first time he’s ever gotten a confession. It makes him feel… good. It made him feel  _ wanted.  _

He’s still thinking of that as he pulls open the university’s gym doors, smiling to himself as he imagines the way Iwaizumi will react. 

He’s greeted with a chorus of hellos when he walks in, and Keiji gently waves at everyone in return. 

Bokuto immediately lights up when he sees Keiji, and it makes Keiji’s heart twist in his chest. He feels bad for Sato- even if he does decide to agree on a date with him, there’s no way Keiji can return his feelings as soon as he wants to. 

“There you are, Akaashi!” he says, grabbing his bag. “Let’s go!” 

Keiji blinks at him, realizing he forgot to tell Bokuto and Kurō that he wouldn’t be leaving with them today. 

“Ah, Bokuto-san,” Keiji says, putting his hand on Bokuto’s shoulder. “You can get home by yourself, I trust?” 

Bokuto gives Keiji a confused smile, and Kurō looks between them. “Oh, why?” 

“I’m going with Iwaizumi-san today,” he says, ignoring the suggestive look Kurō gives Iwaizumi. 

“Oh,” Bokuto says, whipping around so Keiji can’t see his face. “Kurō, come with me.” 

Kurō looks surprised, and he gives Keiji a questioning look. Keiji can’t offer him any answers, because he wasn’t expecting Bokuto to be upset. Kurō gathers his things and leaves with Bokuto, but not before taking out his phone and pointing at it to show that he’d let Keiji know about the situation later. 

Keiji watches them go, not quite sure how to even begin defining the swirl of emotions in his chest. 

“So, you’re going with Akaashi, then?” Oikawa says, and Keiji turns to him in mild surprise. Oikawa hardly ever acknowledges Keiji, and the few times he has he’s used a silly nickname. It was strange to hear his actual name now. 

Iwaizumi looks around for his bag. “Yeah, but only for a little bit. I won’t be home too late. Would you mind feeding the cat for me, though?”

Oikawa gives Iwaizumi a stiff nod before he pouts off into the distance. 

Iwaizumi holds his fist out for a fist bump, and Oikawa reluctantly returns it. “Hey. You know I’m still your best friend, right? And you’re mine,” he says. Keiji awkwardly shuffles his feet, feeling like he’s intruding on a moment reserved for them. 

Oikawa gives him a frustrated look. “Best friends come second to boyfriends.”

Ah. So  _ that  _ was the problem. Keiji glances at Iwaizumi, wondering if he’d be able to tell. 

Iwaizumi just looks angry. “Dumbass, I already told you we’re not dating.”

Oikawa gives him a noncommittal shrug. “It’s only a matter of time before you do,” he says, not sounding too happy about it. Iwaizumi’s scowl depends. 

“Are you joking?” Iwaizumi says. Well, it was really more of a growl, and Keiji wonders if he should step in and say something or just leave. 

Oikawa, bless his idiotic soul, doesn’t seem to realize that what’s he’s said has upset his friend. “What?”

“You’ve been bugging me to get a boyfriend since before we even made it to Tokyo, and now that actually I’m giving my attention to some other guy, you have to act like this? What the hell do you want from me, Oikawa?”

Keiji scratches the back of his ear, pretending he can’t hear any of this. 

Oikawa looks like he’s been slapped, and his mouth pops open and closed like a fish. He looks funny, and Keiji feels a bit rude for thinking so, so he covers his mouth behind his hand to make sure they can’t see his smile. “I-“ Oikawa starts, but Iwaizumi cuts him off. 

“Just figure out what the hell you want. Besides, it’s not your decision if I get a boyfriend. You’ve had countless girlfriends and I’ve never said anything about it!” 

Oikawa bites his lip. He looks like he’s going to cry. “I know.”

“I don’t think you do,” Iwaizumi huffs. He grabs his bag and turns to Akaashi. “Come on. Let’s go.”

Keiji doesn’t have to object to that. He quickly follows Iwaizumi out of the gym, not saying anything to let Iwaizumi cool off a little bit. 

They walk for a little while in silence, and then Iwaizumi is tugging at his hair with a frustrated groan. “Agh! I’m sorry about that,” he says as they walk up to their cafe. “You shouldn't have had to deal with that.” 

“It’s fine,” Keiji reassures him as he holds the door open for him. “I understand. I’m not sure what I’d do if Bokuto started acting that way. I’m sorry for causing problems between you two.” 

Iwaizumi sighs as he settles into their usual booth by the window. “That’s the thing,” he says. “I  _ don’t  _ know what to think. Oikawa’s always been clingy, but now that we’re here and meeting new people, it’s like he’s afraid of losing me. And don’t apologize for something that isn’t your fault; it’s weird. Oikawa’s just dramatic, and that’s not something you should blame yourself for.” 

Keiji nods. “Regardless, there’s something about me that makes him feel inferior,” he points out as he stirs some milk into his coffee. In the back of his head, he can hear Kurō yell at him for drinking caffeine so late in the day. “So maybe he is afraid of losing you.” 

“He’s an idiot, then,” Iwaizumi says, taking his frustrations out on a napkin. “There’s nothing he could ever do that would make me want to leave.” He pauses. “Well, maybe. If I ever found out he slept with Kurō or something, I’d be a little upset.”

Keiji doesn’t know why, but that makes him laugh. He bites his lip and hides his mouth behind his hand in an attempt to get his giggles to stop. “I think everyone has slept with Kurō at least once,” he says, and he’s not saying it to make his friend seem like a slut. It just seems like Kurō is a lot of guys’ gay awakening, or hes the guy a lot of gay guys go to when the object of their affections is straight. 

This seems to interest Iwaizumi, who looks Keiji up and down. “Have you?” 

Keiji knows he set himself up for that, but it doesn’t stop a furious blush from spreading over his face. He tries to discreetly cover his face, but it doesn’t work because Iwaizumi just gives him a scandalized gasp. 

“You  _ have!”  _ he accuses, pointing at Keiji. 

“It was only once!” Keiji defends, though that’s a lie. “It was during the training camp in second year, after I realized I was in love with my team captain.” 

Another lie. Keiji doesn’t know why he’s lying. 

The truth is that he’s never slept with Kurō, and he realized he was in love with Bokuto years before that training camp. 

What really happened was Bokuto and Yukie announcing their relationship. Keiji had been upset about it, and Kurō found him. Keiji’s feelings ended up spilling over the dam he built in his chest years ago, and he told Kurō everything. How he liked boys, how he was madly in love with Bokuto, how everything felt hopeless. Kurō confessed to a lot of the same feelings, and one thing led to another, and Keiji ended up spending the night with him. 

They didn’t  _ sleep  _ together, though. 

Keiji’s not sure why he lied to Iwaizumi. They’re good friends, so he  _ could  _ tell him the truth with no repercussions or judgement, but he doesn’t  _ want  _ to. It feels worse if he does. 

“So,” Iwaizumi says with a sip of his tea, “you just decided to go and woo another team captain? Who knew you were so beguiling.” 

Keiji glares at him and throws a piece of torn up napkin at him, and Iwaizumi laughs before holding his hands up. 

“Anyway,” he says, “what was it that you called me out here for?” 

Keiji fiddles with his fingers as he smiles down at his coffee. “I got asked out,” he tells Iwaizumi. 

Iwaizumi is quiet for a second before he accidentally bangs his knee against the bottom of the table in his excitement, making the silverware and the cups on the table clink together. Iwaizumi winces and rubs his knee. “Really? What’d you say? Is he cute?” 

Keiji stares down at his hands, still pulling at his fingers. “I told him I’d get back to him,” he says. “Was that the wrong thing to do? I didn’t want to flat out refuse him, but I didn’t want to give him any hope if there might not be any, either.” 

Iwaizumi shakes his head, still rubbing at his knee. “No,” he says. “What are you waiting for?” 

Keiji doesn’t exactly know. What  _ is  _ he waiting for? Subconsciously, he thinks he’s still waiting for Bokuto, though he knows it’s fruitless. 

Keiji sighs. “I’m not sure,” he says. “I feel as if I’m giving up on Bokuto, but that’s exactly what I  _ should  _ be doing. Besides, I’d feel bad dating someone when I’m still in love with someone else.” 

Still in love with someone else despite his best intentions and efforts. 

“Ah, that reminds me,” Iwaizumi says, setting his tea aside. “Take this lightly, alright? I don’t want you to get your hopes up.” 

Keiji tilts his head. “Of course. What is it?” 

“During practice today, Kurō and the others were teasing me about dating you. You know how they are.” 

Keiji frowns at Iwaizumi, not quite sure where this is going. Is… Iwaizumi going to confess? Keiji doubts it, but then why else would Iwaizumi mention the way the others tease them about being together? 

“...Right,” Keiji says slowly, making it clear he has no idea where this conversation is going. 

“Bokuto started acting weird. Like, uh…” Iwaizumi pauses and makes weird motions with his hands, searching for the right words. “He just got really withdrawn, and he seemed pretty upset when Kurō joked about me and you going on a date and getting together.” 

Keiji sits up straighter, hating the way his heart has started jumping in his chest. Iwaizumi told him not to get his hopes up, but it was impossible not to when he was a weak man and unable to control his feelings when it came to Bokuto. 

“You don’t think…?” Keiji mutters, nibbling on his knuckles. “No. He wouldn’t, right? He’s straight,” he looks up at Iwaizumi, silently asking for affirmation. 

“I can’t say,” Iwaizumi says. “I have no idea what he’s feeling, and it’s not like you can bring it up to him. Would you like me to see if I can find a way to ask?” 

Keiji wants to say yes, but he also doesn’t like having people do things for him. “That's alright,” he says. “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.” 

Iwaizumi rests his head on his hand. “I never do. You know, I’d give it a few days and see if he says anything… in the meantime, going on one date with a boy can’t hurt.” 

Keiji nods in response as he smiles down at his coffee. He knows that he won’t end up going on that date with Sato purely because he’d feel too strange and rude if he did now, so he should probably tell Sato this sooner rather than later. 

Iwaizumi walks Keiji to the train station, where they say goodbye to each other. While on the train Keiji calls Sato and asks if he’d like to meet up, purely because he feels strange rejecting a person over text. Sato agrees, and Keiji finds him at a park with Japanese daffodils growing everywhere. 

“Sato-kun,” Keiji greets. “Thank you,” 

Sato smiles and stands up from the bench he was sitting on. “I know.” 

Keiji stops, his brows furrowing. “Pardon?” 

Sato sheepishly scratches his cheek. “Don’t worry, Akaashi-san. I know that you’re here to reject me. I kind of figured by your tone of voice when you asked me to meet up the same day I asked you out. 

Keiji awkwardly shuffles his feet. “I’m sorry.” 

Sato waves his hands around. “No, don’t be!” he says. 

Keiji bows his head. “I am,” he says. “I’m in love with someone else, so it wouldn’t feel right to go on dates with anyone else. Knowing my own feelings, I still told you I’d think about it. That was a cruel thing for me to do.” 

Sato is quiet before he sits on the bench again, patting the spot next to him for Keiji. Keiji tentatively sits next to him. 

“To be honest,” Sato says, picking up a fallen flower. “I already knew.” 

Keiji doesn’t say anything, hoping the silence will prompt Sato to continue. 

“Last year I went to watch nationals, and that inspired me to join the club this year. I saw you and Bokuto, and I think that’s when I knew.” 

Keiji laughs and rubs his nose, which is starting to run because of the cold. “Am I really so obvious?” 

Sato laughs. “A bit, yeah!” he says. “But maybe not to anyone who doesn’t also have a bit of the same feelings. Ah, to clarify, I’m not in love with Bokuto! I just…” 

Keiji pats his shoulder. “I understand.” 

Sato smiles before he stands up again. “Thank you, Akaashi-san. I’ll see you tomorrow, then?” 

Keiji nods and watches him walk away. He stays in the park for a little longer, watching the Japanese daffodils sway in the cold breeze. 

——

Keiji is… happy. 

That’s not something he thought he’d be right after rejecting someone who asked him out, but he’s happy. 

His mom is gone again. Not because she had to work late this time, but because she’s got a date. It’s the first time she’s been on a date in eighteen years. 

He’s sitting on the couch with his cat in his lap. He’s attempting to read, but Tsuyu keeps headbutting his hands to make him pet her, so he sets his book aside to pay attention to her. 

It doesn’t take much longer for Keiji’s phone to ring, and Keiji looks over at it. No one ever calls him this late unless they need something with him, so Keiji is always apprehensive about answering calls when it’s dark out. 

It doesn’t help that it’s Bokuto calling him. 

“Hello-“ 

“Akaashi!” Bokuto cuts him off. He sounds breathless, like he’s been running a whole bunch right before he called Keiji. “Are you at home?” 

“Of course I’m at home,” Keiji says, his concern growing. “Where else would I be?” 

“Good,” Bokuto says. There’s a rustling on the other side of the phone, as well as Kuroo’s muffled voice. Keiji can hear the sound of shoes slapping against concrete. “Stay there. I have something I need to tell you.” 

Keiji sits up in surprise, making Tsuyu jump off his lap. “Is everything alright, Bokuto-san?” 

“Yes!” Bokuto says. “Kuroo, quit fucking around! Get in the car!” 

“Bokuto-san, I’m quite worried about you.” 

“Don’t be, Akaashi!” Bokuto says. “I’ll see you soon! Bye!” 

And with that, he hung up. 

Keiji stares at his phone as he bites his lip, his palms sweating. This sort of behavior wasn’t something entirely  _ new-  _ Bokuto was known to be spontaneous and he’d assume that people could follow his line of thinking, but there was something about this phone call that put Keiji on edge. 

He quickly sent a text to Iwaizumi, wondering if maybe he had anything to do with this. 

It doesn’t take much longer for Keiji to get another phone call from Bokuto. 

“Akaashi!” he yells into the receiver as soon as Keiji clicked the answer button. “I’m here! Come outside!” 

Then he hangs up again. 

Keiji checks his phone. Still no reply from Iwaizumi, so Keiji sends him another text letting him know that Bokuto is at his house. 

He scurries to put his slippers on as he slips his phone back in his pocket, grabbing the blanket to wrap around his shoulders as he steps outside. It’s dark and it’s cold, and Keiji’s breath fogs up immediately. 

Kurō’s car is in Keiji’s driveway, and Kurō himself is sitting in the driver's seat. He looks scared, glancing between Bokuto and Keiji with wide eyes. 

Bokuto is in the passenger seat, precariously hanging out of the window. 

“Bokuto-san, you’re going to fall,” Keiji warns him. Bokuto doesn’t seem to care. 

“Akaashi!” he yells, giving Keiji the brightest grin Keiji’s ever seen. “I have to tell you something!” 

Keiji’s heart is beating too fast for comfort, and Keiji presses his hand over his heart. He wonders what’s got Bokuto so excited, and why he needs to tell Keiji right now instead of waiting- maybe he’s got a new girlfriend? 

Keiji shivers and pulls his blanket tighter. “So tell me, then.” 

“Akaashi Keiji,” Bokuto says, pronouncing Keiji’s last night correctly for the first time in his life.“I’m in love with you!” 

Keiji hears static. 

No, scratch that. He hears his heartbeat in his ears and his thoughts are nothing but static, and he can’t feel his body anymore. 

His limbs feel gone. He can’t even register the feeling of the biting winter air against his skin or the feeling of the blanket in his fingers. He can't feel anything. 

Keiji’s not even aware that he’s sitting or crying, and he doesn’t know how long he has been. 

“Keiji!” Bokuto calls, and he climbs out of the door of Kurō’s car. Keiji’s senses slowly flood back in, and he rubs the tears away from his eyes with his blanket. 

“You’re  _ what?”  _ Keiji says, his voice sounding stupid and wobbly. Now that he’s able to think again, he’s not certain he hears Bokuto right. 

“I’m in love with you,” Bokuto repeats, and he says it with the certainty of a thousand gods.

Keiji looks towards Kurō, who looks as stunned as Keiji feels. “I literally had no idea he was going to do this,” Kurō says, holding up his hands. 

Keiji doesn’t care about the tears falling from his face now. “You’re sure?” 

“Of course I am,” Bokuto says, kneeling in front of Keiji. He places his hands on Keiji’s knees, giving him a bright smile. “How could I not be?” 

Keiji sniffles, feeling a bit overwhelmed. Just today Iwaizumi told him that there  _ might  _ be a  _ tiny  _ chance of Bokuto reciprocating even an  _ inkling  _ of Keiji’s feelings, and now Bokuto was in front of Keiji’s hours three hours before midnight declaring his love for him. 

Bokuto stands up and brushes off his jeans, offering his hand to Keiji. It’s only then that the bitter and biting cold of the concrete hits Keiji’s senses, and he takes Bokuto’s hand and lets him haul Keiji to his feet. 

“Keiji,” Bokuto says, huddling close to Keiji. He grabs hold of Keiji’s blanket, wrapping it around both of their bodies. He leans his forehead against Keiji’s, and Keiji’s body feels indescribably warm. “Why are you still crying?” 

Keiji dries off his face with his sleeve. “You just told me you’re in love with me, Bokuto-san,” he says. “That’s kind of a big deal.” 

Bokuto laughs, and Keiji can feel his breath on his lips. Keiji tentatively lifts his hands and wraps them around Bokuto’s middle, his lungs shuddering. 

“You know you don’t have to call me that,” Bokuto says. “How many times have I told you already?” 

Keiji closes his eyes, grabbing fistfuls of Bokuto’s hoodie in his hands. “Okay, Koutarou,” he says, and then he decides to be impossibly bold as he presses their lips together. 

It’s kind of gross, to be honest, and Keiji pulls away almost immediately. Because of Keiji’s little breakdown earlier, all he tasted was snot and tears, which was  _ not  _ how he wanted his first kiss with Bokuto to go. 

“What was that!” Bokuto says, voice high pitched and incredulous. 

“Sorry,” Keiji tells him, attempting to dry off his face again. He hasn’t stopped crying. “I-“ 

“Kiss me like you mean it, Keiji!” Bokuto says, and then he’s got his hands on both sides of Keiji’s face as he fits their mouths together once more. 

This time it’s significantly better, and Keiji feels a warm campfire nestled between his ribcage. 

“What took you so long?” Keiji asks after a few minutes.

“You remember when Yukie and I broke up?” Bokuto says in lieu of an answer. 

Keiji frowns and attempts to step back. Bokuto doesn’t let him, instead grabbing Keiji’s hands and squeezing them. “I do,” Keiji says. “Why?” 

“It was before then. I think it was when we won nationals… I broke up with Yukie because of you, because she made a joke about you being able to get a girlfriend since I was gone. I didn’t know why that thought upset me until today when they were saying you were gonna date Iwaizumi,” he says, and it is the most emotionally intelligent thing Keiji has  _ ever  _ heard him say. 

Suddenly Bokuto freezes and he pulls away from Keiji, looking very unsure of himself out of nowhere. “You’re  _ not  _ gonna date Iwaizumi, are you?” he asks, and the way he suddenly sounds like an insecure child makes Keiji laugh. 

“No,” Keiji assures him. “I’m not. I think I’ll be happy dating you.” 

Bokuto smiles and rests his head on Keiji’s shoulder. 

It’s only then that Kurō decides to reannounce his presence. 

“Ahem,” he clears his throat. “While this is all really heartwarming and I hate to interrupt, I was just wondering… can I go home now?” 

Bokuto- no, Koutarou- flips Kurō off before he turns to Keiji with a wide smile. 

“Come home with me, Keiji,” he says, grabbing hold of Keiji’s hand as he attempts to pull Keiji down the stairs. 

And Keiji does. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> the character ichika was originally supposed to be suzumeda kaori (hence why shes in love with shirofuku) but then i remembered that suzumeda is also a graduated third year so i swapped her out with a random character. ichika means “a thousand flowers” in japanese, which i thought was fitting since she only appears with flowers. if u want a happy ending for her just assume that she got a rocking gf and is happy and gay 
> 
> now, here we go for the traditional yuuki sign off: thank u for reading hope u enjoyed it love u


End file.
